Bill Maher is right: there are two Americas.
One America wants to be a socially progressive, European state and the other America wants to be an uptight, backwards society where people don't have to pay taxes to a government that allows all the guns you want and barges into your bed room to make sure you're having sex with a member of the opposite gender. That government has every right to your body and no rights to your money or arsenal.
One America wants to make it so that Americans can prosper by taking care of each person's basic needs (like healthcare). The other America wants to make it so that if you're not pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, you're being trampled at the bottom by those richer than you.
One America thinks it's ok to scare people by saying Gays will take over the country if allowed to marry, and the other America thinks that two people, regardless of gender, should be allowed to enter into a marital contract with another person.
One America wants to scare people into hating Gays.
Can you guess which America that is?
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
10/22/08
9/14/08
Sick Confession or, Who Reads This Anyways?
Every school had them: the kids that didn't go straight into first grade but were in a limbo year after kindergarten. At my elementary school, they called it Readiness, which, in retrospect, was kind of a direct title. I knew some folks that went into it (as in, "Where's my friend from last year?") and some folks that came out of it and they seemed cool, except that they had this issue with self-esteem (which I myself have struggled with most of my life) in the sense that they knew they were behind people their own age, suffering from the same "Where's my friend from last year?" syndrome.
Of late, I have felt the same way, like I'm greatly behind on my career or something. I feel like I'm well ahead in life, in that I'm married and in a few years, plan to start a family. All that seems to be well in progressing.
But career-wise, and maybe talent wise, I feel like I'm not developing- like I'm behind those of my numerical age group. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's very easy to look around and feel that others are progressing at a good rate and look at myself and realize I am not. Three years down in Iowa City and one to go, I wonder what I can do for myself to feel better about my position. Certainly the idea of getting out of the current job and perhaps into school will *feel* like progress, but what if I don't get into school? I certainly don't think I have the energy to keep failing at my hopes of an academic career, or at least more degrees. So what will I do with my life?
I think I will keep writing, but what will be the motivation? While I'm sure many would say there is no MFA glass ceiling, they generally aren't the ones looking up through it and knocking. I suppose the question even right now is about what has kept me writing during my three years in Iowa City? Is it something I feel I'm good at, or have I stopped developing on my own? I feel like I've gone as far as I can writing by myself right now with the only feedback being the occasional Johannes response and the equally occasional "I like the poems, but they're not the right fit for issue N." While this all has helped me develop, I feel like I need some kind of dedicated time and place to write. And I'm not talking about a schedule or a sturdy table with good light. I'm talking about a place mentally where I feel like I can concentrate on writing and concentrate on reading more and more. That's really what I want to do and that's really why I want to go to an MFA program. I want someone to give me the go ahead that I can dedicate myself to it for the long haul. I want someone to validate the life I want to have. I want to plan something and have it work out!
Speaking of, I mention that because nothing I have really *planned* has worked out: everything has either literally or metaphorically fallen into my lap, from Jennifer to Iowa. While I would certainly say I've been lucky, I just want, for once, something I've worked towards to work out. Call it whiny (I know it is), but it seems like at some point, you have to make things to fall into place and can't just wait for them to happen. However, so far, I've been better off just waiting, it seems. But how long can I wait until I'm happy with something career-wise that comes to me?
Or maybe this is it. Maybe this is as good as it gets. This library job. This insurance. This life that pays the bills and helps my wife follow her career plans- maybe that's supposed to be enough for me and I'm supposed to just stop and enjoy it rather than hoping to improve. But it's kind of hard at 25 to give up and say this is it. It's equally easy at 25, I know, to say "this is how it will always be and nothing good will come to me," and that's equally stupid.
But maybe just a bit easier, eh?
Of late, I have felt the same way, like I'm greatly behind on my career or something. I feel like I'm well ahead in life, in that I'm married and in a few years, plan to start a family. All that seems to be well in progressing.
But career-wise, and maybe talent wise, I feel like I'm not developing- like I'm behind those of my numerical age group. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's very easy to look around and feel that others are progressing at a good rate and look at myself and realize I am not. Three years down in Iowa City and one to go, I wonder what I can do for myself to feel better about my position. Certainly the idea of getting out of the current job and perhaps into school will *feel* like progress, but what if I don't get into school? I certainly don't think I have the energy to keep failing at my hopes of an academic career, or at least more degrees. So what will I do with my life?
I think I will keep writing, but what will be the motivation? While I'm sure many would say there is no MFA glass ceiling, they generally aren't the ones looking up through it and knocking. I suppose the question even right now is about what has kept me writing during my three years in Iowa City? Is it something I feel I'm good at, or have I stopped developing on my own? I feel like I've gone as far as I can writing by myself right now with the only feedback being the occasional Johannes response and the equally occasional "I like the poems, but they're not the right fit for issue N." While this all has helped me develop, I feel like I need some kind of dedicated time and place to write. And I'm not talking about a schedule or a sturdy table with good light. I'm talking about a place mentally where I feel like I can concentrate on writing and concentrate on reading more and more. That's really what I want to do and that's really why I want to go to an MFA program. I want someone to give me the go ahead that I can dedicate myself to it for the long haul. I want someone to validate the life I want to have. I want to plan something and have it work out!
Speaking of, I mention that because nothing I have really *planned* has worked out: everything has either literally or metaphorically fallen into my lap, from Jennifer to Iowa. While I would certainly say I've been lucky, I just want, for once, something I've worked towards to work out. Call it whiny (I know it is), but it seems like at some point, you have to make things to fall into place and can't just wait for them to happen. However, so far, I've been better off just waiting, it seems. But how long can I wait until I'm happy with something career-wise that comes to me?
Or maybe this is it. Maybe this is as good as it gets. This library job. This insurance. This life that pays the bills and helps my wife follow her career plans- maybe that's supposed to be enough for me and I'm supposed to just stop and enjoy it rather than hoping to improve. But it's kind of hard at 25 to give up and say this is it. It's equally easy at 25, I know, to say "this is how it will always be and nothing good will come to me," and that's equally stupid.
But maybe just a bit easier, eh?
8/21/07
Minneapolis
We went to Minneapolis this past weekend. No, we didn't go to see Johannes' Mom.We did, however, go see John Berryman's grave in Mendota Heights:
I stood in the rain with a tiny umbrella and said hello to him. They have him in a nice spot under some trees along with others that died in late 1971/early 1972.
We went to Minneapolis mainly to go to a wedding, though the morning of the wedding was when we went and saw Berryman's grave as well as the bridge he jumped from:
The wedding was fun too. Jennifer's first "Indian Wedding".
Where are my Indian clothes, you ask? Well, I was told to wear what I wore at our wedding a year ago,
and I didn't think that was appropriate at all.
My Dad has six brothers. He's the 5th of 7 brothers and the 6th of 9 children, flanked by his sisters on either side.
Brother #4, Surendra, used to live in Minneapolis for years, but now lives in Chicago near his daughter, and my cousin, Shruti.
Their youngest brother (#7) moved to Minneapolis from India about 9 years ago.
Can you see the family resemblance?
My Dad, Jwalant Kaka, and Surendra Kaka (Kaka means Father's brother)
The drive home was awful due to rain. We had to pull over because we couldn't see in front of us.
8/7/07
Recent Developments, or lack there of
Well, I found out yesterday I didn't get into Western Illinois' English program for a Masters. You'd think I'd be upset or bummed, and while I do feel like a loser, I'm really quite glad it didn't work out.
Two hours to drive for class, especially when winter in the Midwest sets in would be absolutely terrible. Who needs it?
Secondly, they couldn't offer funding, so I'd be taking out loans AND finding a part time job and probably still wouldn't have as much money as I'm making right now. Granted, that's not a reason I would have said no to them, and regardless of how I feel you don't *need* money, you'll still be pretty miserable without it.
So what's next, you may wonder.
Well, Jennifer is done with her course work, prospectus, and comps in the next two years. After that, she has to go to Mississippi to do fieldwork for a year before writing her dissertation for another year.
This means we're leaving Iowa City probably during the summer of 2009.
Jennifer and I had a very good talk about all this, and being the amazing wonderful wife she is, she thinks I should apply for programs that I can do during that two year period. And while it would suck for us to be apart, both of our parents were apart for periods in their marriage (my Dad moved to America two years before my Mom and Jennifer's Dad was Army), so we figure we can handle at least being in the same country.
But the focus for future schooling will no longer just be MA programs. No, I'm going to get back into what I've been wanting to do all along: get an MFA.
But I think I'm going to limit myself to the Eastern half of the United States, mostly so that I can travel home or to Mississippi with relative ease. Besides, I think there are enough decent MFA programs in the East that I should be OK. But we'll see.
Plans? Write more. Read more. Get more poems out there.
Two hours to drive for class, especially when winter in the Midwest sets in would be absolutely terrible. Who needs it?
Secondly, they couldn't offer funding, so I'd be taking out loans AND finding a part time job and probably still wouldn't have as much money as I'm making right now. Granted, that's not a reason I would have said no to them, and regardless of how I feel you don't *need* money, you'll still be pretty miserable without it.
So what's next, you may wonder.
Well, Jennifer is done with her course work, prospectus, and comps in the next two years. After that, she has to go to Mississippi to do fieldwork for a year before writing her dissertation for another year.
This means we're leaving Iowa City probably during the summer of 2009.
Jennifer and I had a very good talk about all this, and being the amazing wonderful wife she is, she thinks I should apply for programs that I can do during that two year period. And while it would suck for us to be apart, both of our parents were apart for periods in their marriage (my Dad moved to America two years before my Mom and Jennifer's Dad was Army), so we figure we can handle at least being in the same country.
But the focus for future schooling will no longer just be MA programs. No, I'm going to get back into what I've been wanting to do all along: get an MFA.
But I think I'm going to limit myself to the Eastern half of the United States, mostly so that I can travel home or to Mississippi with relative ease. Besides, I think there are enough decent MFA programs in the East that I should be OK. But we'll see.
Plans? Write more. Read more. Get more poems out there.
5/24/07
Happy Birthday to Three of the Best
May 21- Bobby Cox, manager of the Braves - age 66
May 22- Dino Trivedi, my father- age 66
May 24- Bob Dylan, Bob fucking Dylan- age 66
What a week in 1941, huh?
May 22- Dino Trivedi, my father- age 66
May 24- Bob Dylan, Bob fucking Dylan- age 66
What a week in 1941, huh?
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